- Pointless Super Powers

The ability to climb into your windows snatch your people up and find your kids , find your wife and find your husband and rape them . ( only active in linkin park )

The ability to get anyone answer your messages when the answer starts: What the...

The power to mind control inanimate objects.

The ability to lift things up and put them down.

The power to shape shift, but only into yourself two inches taller.

The ability to pronounce the word "rural."

The power to see through things like locked cabinets, wrapped birthday presents etc. But only if you know whats inside.

The abilitie to tell whether or not the light on a fridge is on or off...

The "helpers" you call during emergencies when they where new and a itsy bit unorganized... misunderstandings easily showed up part 1: The Firemen: Why the hell did you call us if this place is already on fire? Call the damn Watermen THEN! The Watermen: Sorry we only receive calls and help people that are drowning, try the Firemen or something... The Cops: Crime in the city? Sorry our work is to COP OUT of stuff, Try the Police or something...

Being able to transform into anything on and off the planet, only, you have to be touching that object.

The power to hold your breath when you die

The ability to generate bellybutton lint at will.

The power to lick your elbow.

The power of omnipotence and omniscience but you work in such mysterious ways that youre both invisible and intangible and without will to do skwat. Oh wait that sounds like...

The power to fly only one inch off the ground

the power to live in lava, magma, fire, etc unless your body temp is over 120 degrees

The power to be immune to everything,except things that can kill you.

Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

The ability to read minds by absorbing their mental disorders

the power to shrink 0.1 millimeter or grow 0.1 millimeter

The power to lick your elbow if it is coated with butter at exactly 36 degrees Celsius.

The ability to produce a nickle each time you smack you`re face on any hard surface so hard you break at least 6 bones.

The power to go forward in time so you get defeated faster

Most of Gods powers part 2: Let us pretend that God really created everything... including sin right? God: Jebus, I want you to go down to earth and receive torture of legendary proportions, and die. Jebus: Why? God: To remove sin... Jebus: Uh... cant you just remove it? God replies either: 1. Yeah but ill be more fun this way, ill have you killed just to show you are not mortal anyways lol troll! 2. No, Sin is more powerful than me, so you better go die to not really die, relax... 3. Son, my ways are mysterious, "thunderstorm scares Jebus to go down) Moral disclaimer: God can be anyone`s God, and Jebus is not to be confused with the completely different Jesus. I mean every God out there and Jebus is simply a name I put instead of whoever prophet your religion has, so I really insulted everyone religious. Moral: (the other was a disclaimer) Religion is written by men... drunk men... now go eat your bread and drink your wine... and you shall become like Jebus... tortured and crucified? To show the world you are immortal? Side effects: Alcholism and all that follows, including a quicker death... to prove your immortality? (Hypnosis is powerful shit, especially when you are drunk, take it from a experienced hypnotist)

Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!