The power to do anything as if you were god but only after you slay a mythical dragon and eat an Unicorn's poop.

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The power to grow your fingernails at 1.5% times the average speed, provided you contribute three hours a day to meditation.

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the power to the power to sit on your computer all day and read all of these pointless super powers while eating or drinking soda

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The power of absolutely flawless hindsight. -Credit to South Park

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The power to pronounce the word "rural."

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The power to spit so hard and fast that you hit yourself in the back of the head every time... and it can only be used once, because its so hard it goes trough everything...(thus hits you in the skull duh) including your skull... Moral: Remember kids! Protect, Serve and Survive, and ask your mommy and daddy why they make the sexytime... their response may be pretty interesting...

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the power to create carbon dioxide (its the stuff you breathe out)

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Be able to hear all the alarmclocks in the world

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the power to fly but only 5 feet off the ground and at walking speed.

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the power to make coffee room temperature by touching it

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The power to summon fire with the use of a match

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The power to cum cucumbers if you are a man.

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The power to magically summon a knife at a gunfight. Moral: "A knife in a gunfight is pretty good when the guns run out of ammo"

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Tha ability to not be able to fly

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The power to be invulnerable while sleeping

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The super power to shine in daylight

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The power to run at the speed of a human

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The power to ejaculate needles.

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The power to have perfect vision, but only in pitch black darkness

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The power to time travel 1 second at a time

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The power to grow increasingly warm fur as your body temperature rises.

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The power of heat vision* *Only for cooking.

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The power to make police pull over the black guy next to you (in your car) and anytime this happens you get the ticket not him

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The power to cause slow people in front of you in the corridor to walk 3% faster

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!