the power to tolerate alex simpson

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the power of milking a cow aslong it is a horse that you are milking. the power to ride a bull for 0.55 nanoseconds. the power to kill 1 bacteria every 20 min. the power to spread herpes without having symptoms. the power of sharing awkward details of your bowel movements to your family at dinner. the power to lift a small cup of water. the power of falling of your face whilst knowing it will happen 20sec before. the power of inhibiting passage on the curb. the power to cause massive traffic jams without owning a car. the power of listening but not understanding. the power of understanding all languages but the one that is being spoken to you at the time.

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The power to transform any food into shit simply by eating it.

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The ability to summon CHUCK NORRIS, but only while naked.

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The ability to read people's thoughts but only in a language that you do not understand.

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Shoppers today in the mattress department we just started a great promotion.

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the power to be in minecraft but as a pig near someones house

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The power to have hindsight.

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The ability to be bulletproof after you get shot.

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the power to glow in the dark during the day.

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The power to play FPS games in real life (respawning included) but lag a lot

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Reversed telepathy, everyone can hear your thoughts.

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The power to fly for 2 seconds when jumping

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The power to be superman with no power's

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Being able to poop your pants at will with no control over it.

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The power to torture yourself and you are also immortal but will immediately die if you are not constantly tortured in a way that is 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 times worse then you can even imagine and are so terrified of dying that you would rather be tortured for all eternity.

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The power to fly but only when your feet are on the ground

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the power to read and agree with the terms of service

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The ability to lose 0.000000000001 percent more skin per year.

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The power to fly with your feets on the ground

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The power to summon fire with the use of a match

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Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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The ability to grow and shrink in size, but you still have the same strength and weight and can only do it once a month

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The power to teleport to the center to the center of the Earth.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!