to make your bowel work backwards

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the ability to make your finger nails longer by 0.1 %

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The ability to teleport to distant locations with no way of returning.

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the power to get a random fruit every 10 days...

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The power to uncontrollably fart when your with your girlfriend

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The power to have 99 problems, except your dog... if she is female.

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The power to turn into wood once you go inside a wood chipper.

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The power to be caught sniffing your sisters panties and get punished by having her crotch forced up and down yours while your mother licks your balls.

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the power to imagine any women naked...but only as an octogenerian

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the powers to be a fat gassy woman

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The power to control the weather, but only in space

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th eability to have sex with anyone in the world but have to have sex with rosie o'donnell first

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have the power of making chicken appear when your a vegan

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the power to fly, but only when you are in a plane that is already flying. inflight flight

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The power to teleport to anywhere in the known universe, but not be able to teleport back

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The ability to jump

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The power to yell WOW THOSE ARE SOME GIANT MELONS LADY! And have her blush and giggle, as your girlfriend grabs you and kisses you, just to make sure to "balloon lady" that you are not on the free market. Moral: And you think I act unusual here... Hah! That is simply because you lack the ability to love... the most important person in your life, the one that will take care of your beloved ones, the one that will inspire his friends... Yourself... sadly we are in a time period where being a modest emo is in... Well, I am out! Out there, being free!

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To Shoot Piss Out Of Your Mouth Only If You Are Taking A Dump

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The power to be a GOD with your imagination

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The power to gain 10 pounds whenever you eat something

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The ability to teleport 1 step forward at will at a walking pace.

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The power to turn into any cat which is about to give birth.

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The power to recite all of Encyclopedia Brown's cases in alphabetical order.

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The power to eat soup with a fork.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!