the power to turn into a narwhal. Once. At your grandmother's funeral

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The ability to get up from the couch.

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The power to ramble on and on endlessly with no end in sight with the most inane of thoughts that no one can begin to guess when they will end or what the value or goal of anything so long-winded might be until you find yourself questioning your very desire to go living if you are only going to continue rambling.

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The power to pass sociology/psychology class by making yourself a hated internet meme by triggering negative emotions in a subject only using a simple word, only to discover later that it has turned into a compulsion. Moral, yep now you hate me, good day to you sir! Moral: There.

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The power to teleport 1 inch but you can only do that once a week and it waists your energy for the entire week.

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The power to secrete concentrated orange juice from your toes every time you secrete concentrated orange juice from your toes.

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The power to circumcise yourself

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The superpower to read a 2 pages of a book at once. Never mind... This is the BEST superpower in the world! [Insert troll face here]

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The power to be arrested for crimes you did not commit

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The power to be able to see words backwards, but not any faster than the average mentally handicapped person can read backwards.

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The power to make anyone you see look surprise.

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The power to defy gravity, but only for the fraction of a second.

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The power to move at the speed of ripeness. Moral: Ripeness is actually slightly slower than time, true fact.

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The power to piss as if you were in zero gravity and leave your big piss ball floating in the bathroom.

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The power to have everything taste like rubbing alcohol

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The power to see air

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the power of the home depot lisp... and as an added bonus the power of how the universe works lisp

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The power to fight your way out of a wet paper bag.

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The power to bounce a beach ball with lightly above-average accuracy

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power to be the best theif ever known to man but only if your in the most high tech prison

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The power to see through glass

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the ability to stare at a cactus for a week without being bored

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the power to breathe in space but have to be were there is gravity

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The power to turn on your tv with your mind as long as the remote is in your hand and has batteries.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!