the power to write on cellophane

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The power to yell WOW THOSE ARE SOME GIANT MELONS LADY! And have her blush and giggle, as your girlfriend grabs you and kisses you, just to make sure to "balloon lady" that you are not on the free market. Moral: And you think I act unusual here... Hah! That is simply because you lack the ability to love... the most important person in your life, the one that will take care of your beloved ones, the one that will inspire his friends... Yourself... sadly we are in a time period where being a modest emo is in... Well, I am out! Out there, being free!

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The power to give ANY girl the best orgasm she will ever have, but only when in Vatnajökulsþjóðgarður, Iceland. Between the local time of 3am-3:15am.

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The power to sexually attract whales

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The powaaaaaaa srry again..... The power to be come a parked car THEY SEE ME NOT ROLLING...... WOOOOOO

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The powwer of super-serial watching on netflix

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The power to read the bible, and then learn hypnosis, and look at the bible again... Moral: And they say hypnosis is worthless because it is just suggestions... the bible uses EVERY single trick in the book, and the bible`s teaching lead to the "holy" crusades (of kill murder and rape across the world, too many died to count), the bigotry, greater intolerance to different people, and just now (Bush before him) Obama is assuring his people that this war is "GODS WILL!" And seriously, if darkness is considered evil... then no wonder Captain America and his men did not hesitate to kill and enslave Captain Africa and his people a couple years ago... And its still going on, thanks lord (sarcasm, duh) Suggestion: Most powerful force in the universe, and it is invisible to boot... daaaang im powerful.

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ability to run very fast without stopping forever

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the power to run in slow motion

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The ability to guess the reCAPTCHA words first try

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The power to convert any font to comic sans at will.

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the power to be the best at a game but nobody knows you

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The to ejaculate anytime but only when your mom appears in front of you.

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the ability to make toast while standing on your head at 12:46 every Tuesday Greenwich Meridian Time.

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the power to explain accidents when nobody gives a rats ass anymore

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the power to say the power to say the power to say the power to say.....

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The power to give onesself a heart attack just by thinking about it.

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The power to see 1 plank length farther then most normal people

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The power to remove your foreskin at any given time

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The power to compare anything to porn because "you know it when you see it."

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the ability to produce petrol from your ankles but only when you're on fire.

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The power to fly, but only 1 millimeter above the ground, while moving at a speed slower than a snail.

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The ability to become a paraplegic at will.

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The power to have an ejaculate in your pants by looking a girl in the eyes.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!