The ability to teleport 0.00000000000000007 seconds in the past

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the power to burp every time you drink 1 litre of soda/fizzy

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the power to fire my lazer

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The power to instantly make an accurate assessment on tomorrow's hangover probability well before you've consumed far more than the amount of alcohol which would guarantee it...and yet manage to forget sometimes you have this superpower.

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The power to make police pull over the black guy next to you (in your car) and anytime this happens you get the ticket not him

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The power to wiggle your big toe whenever you have a car accident with a baby gorilla on the passenger seat every other Thursday of every other leap year.

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The power to vote for the Presidential candidate of your choice, only to be overruled by the Florida Supreme Court.

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The ability to teleport to distant locations with no way of returning.

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The power to make anyone even on live tv such as news or sports to explosively crap their pants.

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the power to put paper to your nose and blow strange liqeud type substance into it.

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The power to make an apple you're holding taste delicious, but only for other people

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the power to shit yourself when you sneeze.

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The power to surround yourself in fire, but only when you're underwater.

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Being able to be invisible when no one is watching.

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The power to kill anyone who is 4 seconds away from certain death

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The ability to turn your fingers into angry bears without you being able to control them

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The power to get laid by your right hand.

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the power to defecate while standing up...

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The power to make anything money related to disappear.

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The power to ejaculate needles.

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The ability to see women naked, but only if they weigh 400 pounds or more.

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The power to do something as powerful as thin air

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The power to keep up with the kardashians

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Most of Gods powers part 2: Let us pretend that God really created everything... including sin right? God: Jebus, I want you to go down to earth and receive torture of legendary proportions, and die. Jebus: Why? God: To remove sin... Jebus: Uh... cant you just remove it? God replies either: 1. Yeah but ill be more fun this way, ill have you killed just to show you are not mortal anyways lol troll! 2. No, Sin is more powerful than me, so you better go die to not really die, relax... 3. Son, my ways are mysterious, "thunderstorm scares Jebus to go down) Moral disclaimer: God can be anyone`s God, and Jebus is not to be confused with the completely different Jesus. I mean every God out there and Jebus is simply a name I put instead of whoever prophet your religion has, so I really insulted everyone religious. Moral: (the other was a disclaimer) Religion is written by men... drunk men... now go eat your bread and drink your wine... and you shall become like Jebus... tortured and crucified? To show the world you are immortal? Side effects: Alcholism and all that follows, including a quicker death... to prove your immortality? (Hypnosis is powerful shit, especially when you are drunk, take it from a experienced hypnotist)

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!