Ability to suck **** like austin calhoun

thumb_up thumb_down -14

The power to breathe

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Useless super power? A shitbag (my former boss, now my employee, funny story really) at work heard I have diabetuus and started lecturing me in the meeting room in front off everybody as how sugar was bad, and that I should not drink artificial sugar and sodas and... ...Anyway he refused to shut up and had (back then) the guts to point at me and shout "SHUT UP I AM LECTURING YOU!" And continued "avoid juice and whatnot... ...Then I had enough bullshit for one day, slammed him against the wall and shouted: ITS DIABETES TYPE ONE QUEERFAG! I WAS BORN WITH IT ITS CALLED BREATHMINTS MOTHERFUKKER! Point: He called the cops and made up a lot of lies about me such as: "rhe one where I made him FEEL afraid for his life etc" which my former coleagues comfirmed where not true at all. then he called his boss in order to get me fired, his boss contacted me, we spoke, my former boss/"lecturer" got demoted, now two years later I got promoted to his former position... ...Before I left work yesterday, I grabbed my insuline pen and stuck it in my tigh and asked him/it:remember about that time you lectured me about diabetes?"... Funny story really, you should all have been there.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The power to automatically uncensor anything you want.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

the ability to jump up absurd down. Without your feet leaving the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The power to explode by yelling ALLAH FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEE! (Bonus: you always appear on Al Jazeera when you blow yourself up)

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The power to have two eyes that can't see very far or through anything.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The power to regulate your body temperature at about 98 degrees at all times.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

the power die if you think.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

The power of immortality, but only when you try to commit suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Ability to be Stephen Hawking's stunt double.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

the power make tomatoes turn green.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

the power to fly but only if you keep both feet firmly on the ground

thumb_up thumb_down -22

The power to flush toilets with your mind

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Expert level knowledge of the Kardashian lore

thumb_up thumb_down -24

the power to at will swap your hands and feet around... you fall over every time

thumb_up thumb_down -24

To be able to run the speed of light but only works if your standing still?.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

the ability to grow trees in the desert

thumb_up thumb_down -24

The ability to excrete Hydrochloric acid, but only in your stomach.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

The power to fight your way out of a wet paper bag.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

the power to type without looking at the keyboard

thumb_up thumb_down -26

No matter what you eat, always shit peanut butter.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

The Power of Super Speed only when you climb a ladder

thumb_up thumb_down -28

The power to give epic blowjobs, works only if you are a incarcerated, straight male.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!